


Years and Years

by hwespn



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, First Love, Future Fic, Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Parents, Self Confidence Issues, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 09:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7569649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwespn/pseuds/hwespn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Good things haven't happened in years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Years and Years

**Author's Note:**

> I just think about what Blaine was like pre-Kurt a lot and about how things would be from his point of view and about his character development a lot. I tried to stick as much to canon as possible!
> 
> (mental health issues is tagged because Blaine is depressed (or borderline depressed) in this fic and experiences self-confidence issues)

If someone had told Blaine that he would meet a beautiful boy on the staircase of Dalton Academy, he probably wouldn't have believed them and told them to shut the fuck up. Because good things don't happen to Blaine Anderson. Good things haven't happened in years.

Okay, maybe that's a lie. Being at Dalton _is_ a good thing, he's safer at this school than his last one and the people are nice and he gets to sing lead a lot with the Warblers.

But couldn't help but feel like there was something missing, like there was a hole in his heart that couldn't be filled. Blaine couldn't remember if he had that vacancy before the Sadie Hawkins dance or if it happened sometime between the ambulance ride and the emergency surgery he was rushed in to.

"I'm new here," the boy on the stairs, Kurt, had said. But it was obvious he wasn't _really_ new there. Sure, he attempted to dress to match the school uniforms, but who doesn't read up on a school before they attend?

Blaine went along with it though, because it's not every day you meet someone so handsome. He had confidence radiating off of him and Blaine couldn't help but be a little jealous.

He stares at Kurt while performing in the commons because there's something about the boy that makes him so difficult to take his eyes off of.

Even when Kurt opened up to him about being bullied and his eyes shone with tears, he still had some sort of comfortability with himself and Blaine hoped no one ever takes the sense of self away from him. They had just met and Blaine wanted to go right up to whoever makes Kurt feel like this and punch them square in the face.

Blaine goes and confronts the guy at Kurt's school with him-- Karofsky, or something that sounds completely douchebaggy and jock-like (and momentarily flashes him back to waiting outside the gym of his old school with his date for the Sadie Hawkins dance). He concludes that this Karofsky guy isn't coming out any time soon and offers to buy Kurt lunch because yeah, Kurt may be beautiful but Kurt is also his best friend. Even in the short amount of time they've known each other, it feels like they've been friends for years rather than weeks.

Some days are harder than others.

His parents are always talking about Blaine's brother, and how successful he is even though they don't agree with his career choice. His dad tries to do "manly" things with Blaine. Probably to try to make him less gay, he guesses. His mom just flat out ignores Blaine's sexuality.

The back corner of his closet mocks him because it's filled with colorful clothes and patterned bow ties and everything Blaine _used to be_.

He hates himself for being so weak sometimes.

 _Courage_ , Blaine thinks when he first wakes up.

 _Courage_ , Blaine reminds himself constantly.

 _Courage_ , he says it to himself more than he says it to Kurt. Although, when he says it to the other boy, he doesn't know if he's saying it for himself or Kurt.

Kurt eventually transfers to Dalton because of Karofsky. Blaine feels like he's going to explode when he finds out Kurt's _life_ was threatened. He pushes any sign of something other than platonic love for Kurt to the deepest, darkest corners of his mind because he needs a friend more than anything right now. They both do.

When they sing Baby, It's Cold Outside, it feels like anything but cold. All Blaine feels is warmth.

Blaine meets Jeremiah and after 2 coffee dates, he swears he's in love. Jeremiah is beautiful (although not quite as much as Kurt, one part of his brain reminds him) and is older (so is Kurt, his mind chimes in) and works at the Gap (a place Kurt would never shop).

He comes up with the perfect plan. Blaine's middle name might as well be Romance because if Jeremiah doesn't fall in love with him on the spot, then he was wrong about everything.

The Warblers serenade Jeremiah and Blaine is sure that when Jeremiah comes up to him, it's to basically ask for his hand in marriage (or at least another date). But Jeremiah says those two times they met up for coffee weren't even dates, and he got fired because of their little performance. He wasn't even out at work.

So Blaine just outed a guy he _thought_ he had a connection with. He feels like a delusional asshole and any sense of confidence he felt in that moment slipped away from him as quickly as it came.

Kurt admits how he feels about Blaine and for a second, everything's okay. But Blaine remembers how much of an asshole he is and how much he apparently does not know about romance. They agree to be friends, but Blaine can't help but notice that the hole in his heart feels just a little bit bigger when the word "friends" falls off his tongue.

The sacred Warbler bird or whatever its significance is dies and Kurt is _so_ upset.

Kurt sings Blackbird and Blaine doesn't really understand why Kurt is this upset, but somehow Blaine is moved.

He's fucking moved by a song dedicated to a _dead bird_. All that attempting to distance himself from Kurt came snapping back at him like a rubber band stretched too far when he sang to a dead bird.

He pours his heart out to Kurt soon after the performance. Blaine's wall comes crumbling down because he's been looking for Kurt forever, and he doesn't mean to say that out loud but he does.

After attempting to emotionally distance himself from anyone and everyone, Kurt still manages to sneak past his defense and make him feel something other than hatred toward himself.

Blaine leans forward and attaches his lips to Kurt and feels the hollowness in his chest reduce ever so slightly.

They declare themselves boyfriends soon after that. Neither of them are sure how it happened, but it did and Blaine is grateful.

Kurt brings out a confidence in him he never thought he'd see again.

One day, they're sitting in Blaine's room on his bed. Well, Blaine is sitting. Kurt is rummaging through Blaine's closet and when he pauses, Blaine knows he's gotten to The Corner.

"Blaine?" Kurt's voice breaks through the comfortable silence that fell between them.

Blaine hummed in response, admiring Kurt standing in the doorway to his closet.

"Most of your clothes are so dark and casual and then there's this one section in here that is-"

Blaine's guard instantly came back up, "what? Flamboyant? _Faggy_?"

The look on Kurt's face when Blaine spoke was enough to break his heart four times over.

"Blaine, no, that's not what I was going to say, I would never-" Kurt moves from his spot standing at the closet and sits next to Blaine on his bed. "I was going to say that there's this one section that's bright and vibrant and lively. I was just wondering why you have those colorful clothes if you don't wear them."

There was a beat of silence before Kurt spoke again.

"And for the record, there's nothing wrong with being flamboyant. It's okay to stand out and be a little...vivacious." Kurt smiled and Blaine grinned back on instinct, just like he did when he always saw Kurt smile.

"I'm sorry, baby," the term of endearment rolled off Blaine's tongue, his head falling to rest on Kurt's shoulder. "I just- I used to dress...differently. But shit happens and I just don't anymore." Kurt knew what Blaine meant by 'shit happens' but didn't push him to elaborate which he was thankful for.

"Okay," Kurt's hand rested on Blaine's knee and the subject was dropped.

They're at the Lima Bean, the same café where Jeremiah and Blaine went on their not-dates but he barely thinks of Jeremiah anymore since Kurt is sitting across from him, and Kurt is beautiful and confident and happy and Blaine just loves him so much.

Kurt is talking about their trip from New York, and how Santana basically lost her shit when they got back to the hotel, and Blaine is just watching him. Watching his mouth move with a small smile across his lips, watching the sparkle in his eyes.

"I love you," Blaine blurts out, not wasting a second once Kurt finishes talking.

Kurt's smiling behind the coffee he's just took a sip of, the surprise in his blue eyes evident. "I love you too," he replies and Blaine feels like he's floating.

When the new school year starts, Blaine transfers to McKinley because being apart from Kurt _sucks_.

And he's starting to wear clothes that belong in The Corner of his closet. A bright cardigan here, a pair of colorful jeans there, a patterned bow tie to top off the outfit. The outfits he wore before Sadie Hawkins slowly see the light of day again.

Kurt's leaving for New York after graduation and Blaine's scared as fuck. He knows Kurt is going to find some New York City guy who isn't stuck in high school for another year and with less baggage than Blaine and so he tries to distance himself from Kurt and make it easier for when that does happen.

But Kurt sees right through his bullshit act and promises they'll be always be together.

'Always' ends too soon a year later, when Blaine is convinced Kurt doesn't want him anymore and he goes and fucks some other guy. Not that it meant anything. After all, it was just that-- a fuck. Having sex with Eli wasn't like it was with Kurt. Eli didn't matter, Eli _doesn't_ matter, and Blaine thought that sex with anyone would be like how it was with Kurt but it isn't.

He visits Kurt in New York after it happens, and sings Teenage Dream to him in some bar all the college kids like. He's one second away from bawling like a baby because how could he have so royally fucked up the best thing that's ever happened to him?

Kurt, of course, sees right through Blaine and he can't stand to see Kurt cry when he tells him. It breaks his heart more than anything and he's mad at himself for even thinking Kurt didn't want him because with Kurt laying next to him in his bed with his back turned from Blaine, he could feel the bed shake slightly with every silent sob he let out. Someone who didn't care wouldn't cry like that and Blaine just hates, hates, _hates_ himself for doing that to Kurt.

Blaine knows he isn't the same after their breakup because Kurt's the love of his life and he's probably gone forever.

He's not gone forever, as it turns out. Blaine proposes to Kurt on the staircase where they first met-- the place where Blaine felt a little bit of hope for the first time in years.

And even after all the break ups and fights and doubt that follow the proposal, they still end up together.

They overcome everything together and Blaine swears he feels that emptiness in his heart decrease with each day spent by Kurt's side.

Waking up doesn't suck as much when it's next to Kurt.

Being alive doesn't suck as much when it's with Kurt.

"You saved me," Blaine whispers one night to Kurt while they're laying down in bed, nose-to-nose and hearts beating together like their first time all those years ago. They're married now and owe Santana and Brittany basically their entire marriage.

"No, I didn't," Kurt says back softly, running one hand through Blaine's hair with a lot less gel in it. "You saved yourself, honey. I guess I just made you realize that you're worth saving."

"I still get sad sometimes." Blaine says it so bluntly, as if he always tells Kurt about his persistent sadness. "Even when I'm at my happiest, there's still this thought inside my head that nags me because I know the happiness won't last. I used to feel like I had a hole in my heart because of the sadness."

"Do you still feel like that?"

"Yes, but it's a lot smaller now," Blaine looks at Kurt through thick eyelashes, "it's more like a dot rather than a hole."

Kurt doesn't answer, he just listens to Blaine and makes sure he knows he's cared for.

When his daughter is born, not even that lingering sadness can stop him from being over the moon ecstatic.

Blaine's much more confident now at 24 than he was at 16. He's not afraid to dress the way he wants to and gel his hair however the fuck he wants and like whatever music he wants.

He's himself now, not some fake-confident, masked, guarded, wannabe mysterious guy. He's Blaine now, not some false version of himself.

Him and Kurt still stick it out even when it gets bad, not just for their kid but for themselves too because there's too much history to throw it all away.

Blaine feels happy. Completely and genuinely happy. He's come so far since he was 16 and he just can't believe he made it.

If someone had told Blaine that when he woke up this morning, he would come face to face with his 3 year old daughter sleeping in between him and his husband, he probably would have believed you. Because good things happen to him now.

**Author's Note:**

> I worked really hard on this, and although it's not quite what I wanted, I'm satisfied with it. I hope y'all enjoyed! Comments and kudos are appreciated :) 
> 
> (PS- this fic was very nerve wracking for me to write because I was worried it would seem like I'm romanticizing mental illness. What Blaine feels in this is what I have felt at one point and I have used my own past feelings as basis for his in this fic.)


End file.
